Movies that Make My Mascara Run (In the Order I Remember)

3 Apr

To preface, I do not really enjoy tearjerkers.  Most of these movies either I was somehow forced to watch or the tears caught me by surprise.  If I know ahead of time a movie will make me cry, I usually avoid it.  I am one of those people who falls in love with these fictional characters and I tend to take their deaths hard.   I don’t throw in a tearjerker purposely unless I am going through something heartbreaking and I need to get the tears out.  Otherwise comedies and sci fi action for me thank you.

 *** SPOILERS***

BEACHES –  *sings     It must’ve been cold there in my shadoooow.  To never have sunlight on your fucking fa fa faaaace…  I can’t think of this movie without tearing up.  Story of a beautiful friendship that is just unfair.  Bette Midler is one of my favorite people of all time, and this movie is one of those that I can’t watch all the time.  Who are you people that can watch tearjerkers for no reason? This is one of the first movies I throw in when I sit down with my bowl of chocolate chip cookie dough and milk to dull the pain of a good heartbreak…

FORREST GUMP – He’s so smart Jenny!  For the love of all that is holy!  This movie is so beautiful, and so well made.  I really need to go no further.  Dear God make me a bird, so I can fly, far, far, far away from here.

image

SERENITY – Hold your judgements.  When Wash died I was inconsolable.  I think I cried more at the fact that this series was PHENOMENAL and it wasn’t given a chance.  Wash’s death to me represented the death of the whole series.  Quick, painful and extremely unfair.

THE CURE – Probably one of the cruelest movies ever made.  Why would you think it’s a good idea to film a movie about an abused outcast whose only friend in the world is the outcasted little boy dying of AIDS?  I really do not see how that is fair to me the viewer.  I watched this movie, and remember doing the dishes for about 30 minutes after STILL CRYING.   Movies with kids dying gets to me.  Which brings me to my other movie:

MY GIRL –  This was the first movie I remember watching that made me fall in love with the characters only to have them stolen from me with an early death.  Again children.  “His glasses!  He just needs his glasses!”  I welted up a little just remembering and typing that.  I watched this with my sheltered cousin in Puerto Rico, we cried for a good hour afterwards, then got in trouble with my abuela for being losers who cried at a movie.

JACK FROST –  I know, if anyone out there is actually reading this you probably just said to yourself “WTF.  People actually watched that movie?  To be honest I don’t remember much of the story line.  Just that a little boy’s dad died early on the movie, and then comes back as a snow man. We all know what happens to snowmen in the spring THEY MELT.  HOW AWFUL IS IT TO MAKE THIS LITTLE BOY LOSE HIS DAD TWICE?!?!??!   I went to go see this movie with my sister.  We both had colds.  And we were both hot snotty messes during and after.

LIFE AS A HOUSE – The people who say Hayden Christianson can’t act have never seen this movie.  Sure he didn’t seem all that great in Star Wars, but I blame that on the director.  This was a great movie.  Sad most people have never heard of it.  Terminal cancer + troubled youth = Me crying.

PS I LOVE YOU –  Or better yet how about PS Don’t wear makeup to this movie.  As soon as she came home from the funeral and started dialing him up to hear his voice I was dying crying.   OMG.  I really don’t do well with deaths.  This movie just proves how unfair life and love can be.  If there’s any time I am happy I am single, this is it.  I couldn’t imagine being in love, and then having him DIE on me.

BRAVEHEART – FREEEEEEEDOM!!!!!!!!   This was one of the greatest moments in cinematic history.  So brave.  Heroic. *sigh   Oh dear sweet Mel why did you have to turn into a fucking nutbag?

 

MAN IN THE MOON –  Why oh why were you so close to the tractor?!?!?!  I think this was Reese Witherspoon’s first movie right?  She did an incredible job.  Not sure if I cried more because it was just sad, or because Mr. London was just oh so cute…

TITANIC –  I mean, we all knew the boat was going to sink.  And Jack’s death didn’t bother me as much as the scene with the old man and woman on the bed, waiting for death.  I feel like the filmmakers in The Notebook shot that final scene with this one in mind…

 

MY SISTER’S KEEPER –   Again with the children.  It is only fair to say that I have never seen this movie.  And I never will.  This movie had me crying HARD during PREVIEWS.  No thank you.  Pass.

 pinkie do not want

Which brings me to this list:

MOVIES I WILL NEVER WATCH BECAUSE I KNOW THEY WILL MAKE ME CRY:

THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS – the preview where Will Smith and his son were sleeping in the bathroom.  NO THANK YOU.

BOYS DON’T CRY – But I’m sure I will

HOTEL RWANDA-  Senseless killings much?  No thanks.

PRECIOUS – No thanks.

EXTREMENLY LOUD AND INCREDIBLY CLOSE–  911.  No explanation needed.

LELA

 

Mickey:

That list is not too bad.  I try to stay away from movies like that too, but some of them catch me by surprise.   These are the ones that seem to be the worst.

I present to you a spoiler free list movies that made me bawl like a baby (that I too can remember):

 

Iron Giant… did NOT see that coming

The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas….. bah… I was a blubbering fool! AND I HAD BEEN WARNED!

Torchwood season 3…. I have decided to blame this on hormones.  There was nothing really going on.. but I was super surprised by how upset I got watching this.

Beautiful Life….. no explanation necessary

Bridge to Terabithia   (even though I had read the book)

I think My Girl is just like this, of course

The House of Sand and Fog…. Ugh ugh ugh!

Dancer in the Dark…. I knew a guy who refused to even watch this with anyone, knowing he was going to bawl at the end.

Pay It Forward ….. *SNIFF*

The Joy Luck Club  *SNIFF SNIFF*

Dead Poets Society ….. *waaahhh!!!!*

……

…..

*sobbing in a corner*

WHY?!!!!

Why is life so cruel?????

Also:  YES to Serenity

 

I am fully aware that some of these are pulling my strings intentionally.

 

Lela:

I forgot about Pay it Forward and Dead Poets!!!!  Again with the children dying.  UGH!

Funny you put a picture of Dawson.  Every time I use the word inconsolable I think of him and Joey.  When she asked him how he would react if he ever died.
  “Joey I would be inconsolable.”  I loved Dawson’s Creek.  Sigh.

Anyway I would add Dancer in the Dark too.  No thanks.

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